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Jealous evil

from Amped '93 by The Impulse Powers

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about

Along with Dinosaur Jr, ‘93 was the year of being hit with Sebadoh, perhaps the most impactful band for me, ever. What Lou Barlow did was at least as painfully searing as Dinosaur Jr, but without a distorted note ever hit. Lou said excruciating confessional truths like no one I had ever heard.

In ‘93 this was a bravery I couldn’t dare utter, but I desperately wanted to — to say things about my own pain, shame, anger, and more.

This song is that honest confrontation, which has taken 30 years to muster. At the same time though, I’m trying to show the spiral of this mindset, which is powerfully cathartic, but also risks taking over completely, so I could be overwhelmed.

lyrics

I’M NOT JEALOUS
I’M NOT WRAPPED UP IN MYSELF
I DON’T CARE
I’M NOT KINDLY
I’M NEVER GOING TO RUN
I CAN’T SAY WHAT MATTERS
I’M NEVER GOING TO TELL YOU
I’M NOT FREE

I’M NOT JEALOUS
I’M NOT WRAPPED UP IN MYSELF
WE’RE NOT CLOSE ENOUGH
I HARDLY KNOW YOU
WE’RE NOT FRIENDS
YOU WON’T LISTEN
DON’T TELL ME ANYTHING
THERE’S NO CONTACT

I’M NOT JEALOUS
I’M NOT WRAPPED UP IN MYSELF
IT’S NOT THE SAME
THERE’S NO WAY OUT
THERE ARE NO EDGES
IT’S NEVER GOING TO CHANGE
THERE’S NO LIGHT
NOTHING MATTERS

credits

from Amped '93, released July 9, 2022

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about

The Impulse Powers Manchester, UK

A music and writing project, which mines my personal history to try to move past painful or negative memories.

These songs and poems confront and then re-inscribing adverse experiences, to try to find acceptance, solace, or even glimpses of joy in dark times.
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